My "Jesus" Mask

                             

Masked - My Jesus Mask

This has been a really rough year in so many ways. This was the year of pandemics, riots, shutdowns and crazy elections... and yet, God has not changed. 

“For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed.” Mal. 3:6

Our first reaction when something scary and fearful arises, is to go into self-protection mode and try to find all the answers so that we can feel secure. Our world (especially on social media) was immediately inundated with speculation, assumption and a general rush to be the one with all the answers or to find a way to save everyone from misinformation and misfortune. 

The fear and paralysis that took Luke and I down in the first few weeks home from work, was so out of the ordinary that we began to plan and work to preserve our mental, physical and spiritual health as quickly as we could. The choices that God led us into were so difficult and tended to take us on a trajectory that had us swimming upstream and against the flow of common thought. Those choices stripped us of everything we knew that was comfortable or easy to hide behind. While the whole world around us was donning literal masks, we were intentionally throwing away masks that had led us to count on our own intellect, abilities and feelings...

1. We chose to shut off mainstream media….conservative and liberal.

2. We knew we had to strip away our preconceived notions about how God wanted us to see things. (people, needs, traditions, necessities, Americanized views)

3. We were forced to stop being “busy”.

4.  We were given a realization that we don’t invest deeply in our relationships with God alone.

5. We had to stop solving every issue in our own strength. 

6. Together we had to admit that we were not okay with the status quo in our lives.

7. We weren’t going to stand by and go with the flow.

8. We wanted to be real again, which might mean being broken.

9. Admitting that we are drained beyond repair without some significant work, rest and healing was crucial. 

What does this have to do with masks?! We wear masks every. single. day. It’s exhausting. 

As Christians, especially if you are like me and you are OCD and Perfectionistic, taking the job out of God’s hands is what we do best! So, when a crisis of historical proportions hits, we have absolutely no capability or power to change what is going on around us! If I do try to solve the issues at hand, well, two things can happen…..I either break in a way that does irreparable damage to me and my family or I become so completely depressed that I am of no use at all. 

I am so incredibly grateful that God had the foresight to put a sense in my husband and I early on that said, “something is not right...turn and look at me, do not take your gaze off of my face and you will not be bitten by the poison of self-reliance, worry and fear.” 

It has always been my tendency to become overly anxious in situations I have no control over, but by the Grace of God he gave us the fortitude to look elsewhere in the middle of chaos. 

How much more will the blood of Christ , who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the Living God. Hebrews 9:14

I have been laid bare, everything has been stripped away, my masks are being torn away one by one so that I can get rid of what I think my life should look like and get on to the business of letting God refine me and show me what true life in Him looks like.

I want JOY!! I don’t know about you, but all of this worry and rushing about is killing me! I have no joy, I have no motivation, I have no time, I have no real love or rest….but I know that Jesus does, and he offers it freely… to us who are running around in circles of insanity, rarely stopping but to sip briefly at what he offers us and say ‘Oh yes, that’s nice” before we run off to our next “obligation”. 

I would like to suggest that we who know Christ, get back to the meat of who He is and how He wants to use us, setting aside all distractions to drink deeply, in solitude, of what it really means to be a Christ follower. And then, and only then, take up obligations that are in line with these priorities...

1. God

2. Family

3. Church

4. Ministry

My conviction lately has been that in order to remove my mask fully, I need to focus on each of those priorities in order until, by nature, they begin to spill into each other. My honest confession is that I have, for many years, poured myself into everything I can...rescuing, perfecting, arranging, planning and generally making sure nothing falls apart around me. “How did that work out for ya?” you ask. Not so well, since everything else was beautiful and I was the one who fell apart. In private. So no one would know and I could get up the next morning to make something else perfect. 

You see, my belief has always been that if I could sacrifice enough, DO enough and do it well enough, then I would be good enough for my Lord. I could relieve all the pain, worry and discomfort of those around me and then they would see Jesus!! Right ?! Wrong. They were seeing me. I have been getting in His way, over and over again. 

If I can just love my kids well enough who don’t know him, they will see Jesus…….

If I can just feed those hungry people, they will see Jesus…..

If I can just get those people to see how they’re wrong, then they’ll see Jesus….

If I can bring someone broken into my home and make everything perfect, they’ll see Jesus….

If I can never break from the façade I wear, maybe they will see Jesus….

Hmmm, have I been wearing a Jesus Mask? I. Am. Not. Jesus.

How many years will I continue to remind myself that I cannot be Jesus, or redeem myself or others? Only He can. 

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. Psalm 62:5

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5

 

Alright Lord,

Abide. Is that all?! Just abide? Is this what you’ve been trying to tell me Lord? Just read and dwell and pray and know you and you’ll provide the rest? Wow! Is it really that simple? Why have I been working so hard to make sure I have it all together and can present you with the best of what I am capable of? There….that’s the problem! I have been trying to do by myself, all of what you have told me that you have done already! Perfectly finished, perfectly offered, perfectly ready for us to join you in what you have done and are waiting to do through us. 

Lord, help us to stop. Help us to wait. Help us to lift our eyes to you and let you strip away everything that is holding us back from following you so freely. Help us to rest in you! Help us through the pain of letting go of the things we think are validating us. Help us to love you clearly and purely, without distraction, without masks.