Drowning

So, I read this article this morning about the silent signs of drowning.

For some reason, the moment I saw the title, I thought that it was going to be a “parallel” article.

Detailing the signs of drowning as seen in the lives of people around you as they try to survive the

waves of life. Nope. It was about drowning.

Maybe I was longing for an article on “drowning” as I silently try to keep my head above water.

Yesterday we visited our sons church...it’s been too long and we needed to be near the university

where our daughter was being dropped off for volleyball camp. Pastor Shane spoke on Jesus’ power

in our lives. He spoke on the disciples fears as the storm rose over the sea of Galilee, and the fact

that he slept through it knowing that he would wake immediately when they cried out His name.

He knew that they needed to reach out for Him in the storm He had allowed so that they would

recognize His power later on with the demon possessed man.

Near the end of the day, a friend dropped by our home to visit. Unannounced and very welcome!

I smiled, enjoyed the conversation and needed so much to have another person walk into our home…..

although, given a choice, I would have kept my door shut and my lights off. Silently, gasping for

something...knowing I couldn’t breathe...couldn’t explain...couldn’t call out for help...wouldn’t ask for

help.

A drowning person does not wave. A drowning person does not cry out. A drowning person does not

thrash around or make noise. They silently bob up and down, their mouth appearing above water

frequently, their body automatically keeping their arms out at their sides in an effort to keep pushing

to the surface. But, no reflexes are in their control. They can’t call out until they are rescued and pulled

to the surface.

I guess I thought I was swimming. I also thought I was strong enough to swim and rescue at the same

time. I’m not. My prayer every morning is, “Lord give me strength and grace, because I don’t have any.”
As yesterday wore on, I guess I must have been more in “drowning” mode than in “saving and surviving
well” mode. I couldn’t see. I couldn’t cry out. I couldn’t do anything but break.

How many times do we run to the ones who are crying out and thrashing around in this life? They are

easy to see, easy to hear. What about the truly drowning, who need a brother or sister to hug or pray

or give a small sign of relief and support?

Sometimes our call in life can feel like a challenge to swim the English channel. We may even be

doing it at a moments notice, with no conditioning, but we need that support crew, in the boat

alongside us, ready to help and give us the encouragement we need to get all the way to the other

side. We may look like we are just swimming along, unaware of the people around us, never glancing

up but plowing ahead, seemingly un-involved. But our support is never UN-NEEDED!

As we give our lives to save the lives and souls of others, we will get out of the water at the end of this

call and most likely without a break, jump right back into the waves to swim another challenge.

Hopefully strengthened, hopefully wiser, hopefully more loving.

What if the struggle gets too hard and as we stop to take a breath, we tread water looking around

and our boat has gone and is nowhere to be found? Our support assumed that we were doing fine

and didn’t need them since we weren’t laughing and talking or indicating needs? What if we were

drowning and couldn’t cry out for help?

The most miraculous thing is…..Jesus woke and calmed the storm the moment his children called

his name. But he doesn’t ask us to do many things alone. He gives us people. Fellowship. Lifeguards.

Refreshers. A support team. Prayer warriors.

I don’t want to be a complainer. That’s not what this is. Maybe it’s a cry for help. Maybe it’s a realization

that those I used to think were withdrawing or self-sufficient, were maybe silently drowning.

Sometimes I think that the ones we believe are strong and have it all together and are “On Mission”

are the ones who are prominent, successful, posted in the bulletin, on the schedule, in the front.

There are those who are holding up others, while their own faces are below water, not being seen or

heard from, because they have no more strength, but, by the Grace of God, they are forging through.

Maybe they can’t say a thing about their needs. Maybe because they haven’t stopped long enough to

spend time on themselves and friends, or because of privacy laws.

Yes. Now I am talking about Foster Care. We are taught in our courses….”Never, never,never neglect

self-care”!! Bahahaha! Okay, actually that is really funny. Ask any foster parent if they get a once a

week break to just shop for groceries alone. Or how about that date you used to have every other

week? It. Does. Not. Happen.

When the stress and strain of monitoring every single moment starts to break you, you just wake up

and do it all again. And again. And again. Because we are determined to do this perfectly! Those

things that are lacking in our kiddos lives?....We WILL invest those things one thousand fold to make

up for lost time. We will sacrifice and say yes. We will give all the experiences that they missed. We

will stop to listen. Every. Time. We will answer every previously neglected call. We will do their hair.

We will try to undo the insane lack of structure and love and moral standard and sense of family and

neglect and skewed view of care and the destruction.

Every morning Jesus will walk with us and carry us and give us the strength and grace we ask for. And

yet, we still need to be seen and heard, silent thought we may be.

Foster care is a silent, difficult, uphill battle. Maybe few understand what it entails. I encourage you to

read about it. Learn the incredibly unforgiving sacrifice it takes to love unconditionally, give up

everything to save a life, see a success story and most of all to see Jesus reflected in the heart of a

young person previously drowning in darkness. That right there...is the biggest treasure that comes

out of this. Because He gives freedom despite the pain, light in the darkness, success out of hurt, love

for eternity and a lifeline for the drowning.

Hopefully this has not been too dark and needy, but is truly spoken out of the longing of my heart to

keep on keeping on with whatever I have left...no matter what. Jesus knows, and can strengthen us

to do all things!